Best Friend at Work

Anyone who has taken Gallup's Q12 employee engagement survey would have recognised that this post is about the most controversial question of the twelve. Employees are required to rate, on a 5-point scale, if they have a best friend at their work place. Most respondents read this question literally and reply that their "real" best friends are not their colleagues. Some others question the relevance of such a question and seek to keep their personal lives separate from the professional.

In fact, I recall this NYT article about the difficulty of making new friends once you are in the thirties and forties. A subsequent discussion about this article with several colleagues revealed that there could be a western / eastern divide on this topic. For instance, in India, the workplace is often a seamless extension of the personal space / family. Many Indian organisations refer to themselves as families. On the other hand, the (typical) western view of a job is led by the employment contract. (As always exceptions exist.)

But this post is not really to discuss the Gallup survey or west/east divides. It is about friends. And some reflections on the topic during my 24 months out of a workplace.

Many of us, over the course of our careers, give all our time to our job. This comes at the cost of our personal relationships, including a connection with the self. As we jump from one role to another and hop from one airport to the next, friends and family take a hit. Somehow, due to greater proximity and responsibilities, we might keep the family ties alive but friends from yester-years (childhood, school/college, first job) are forgotten. Yes, Facebook might remind us of their birthdays and a Whatsapp group creates an illusion of fun and conversation but the connect is lost.

Meanwhile, we build new relationships with colleagues and others whom we meet in the context of work. Or parents of our kids' friends. Yet, very few of them rise to the best friend category. The NYT article mentions three conditions that are essential to creating friendships: proximity, repeated/unplanned interactions, and a setting that enables people to confide in each other. I believe that the first two conditions are enablers whereas the third seals the bond. That's the reason friends from childhood (age of innocence) or hostel life (high level of dependence on each other) are often in the BFF category. On the other hand, even as corporate relationships provide opportunities for meeting frequently, most organization cultures (or politics) prevent the confiding from happening.

So we end up with this set of highly transactional relationships with colleagues. Meanwhile, lack of proximity and/or repeated interactions with our original best friends weakens the bond of trust. When we change jobs, new work relationships replace the old ones, and the illusion of company continues. The hollow nature of such existence is most felt when we quit a job for a solo gig (like I did)... there may be no 'workplace' nor are we surrounded by constant emails and meetings that have come to define our social life.


I was fortunate that some of my work relationships did turn into good friendships - perhaps it was the challenging journey at Tata Communications or it was just a coincidence. Even though we lived in different cities/countries, work created sufficient opportunities to meet frequently; shared passions (like gadgets and innovation) and values (like humility and respect) helped transcend age / hierarchy barriers. Now, we meet less often... will this also go the school/college friend way?

The last two years have taught me a lot about relationships, in both professional and personal lives. The achievements that we care about so much - grades or earnings or deals concluded or goals overachieved - matter very little beyond the immediate. People stay in touch (or not) because of their experience of who I was as a person. My former colleagues might have all but forgotten what I did at the company for ten years; however, they probably have a vivid recollection of how I made them feel during our interactions. 

Take a minute to answer these (or any similar) questions:

When was the last time you went on an impromptu road-trip with your school friends?

When was the last time you surprised your parents (or grand-parents) with an unplanned visit?

When was the last time you cuddled with your spouse on a weekday because the weather was such?

When was the last time you began (and continued) a new hobby?


If you cannot remember the answer, note that your friends & family cannot too.


It is not possible to turn the clock back on what we did or didn't do in the past. But we can surely work on the present and future. We must change the way we measure our life and (re-)allocate our resources accordingly. Now, pick up that phone...

Three Steps towards Self-employment

Over the last few months, several friends and colleagues have asked me for tips on becoming an independent consultant, a euphemism for being unemployed :) Many others have asked me how one can prepare for the life beyond a regular job. It made sense to share my thought process while it is still fresh in my mind, and not coloured by the eventual outcome of the decision.

In my experience, there are three major steps. (Please note that these may be relevant if you are turning towards entrepreneurship too, but I wouldn't know for sure. My thoughts are about the process of moving from corporate employment to being self-employed.)

1. Financial Planning

One of the certainties of having a job is the pay-check at the end of each month. Over time, as the salary increases, your monthly earning is easily much more than what you need to spend. But you stop caring. Of course, many of us plan for the future and make investments / retiral funds, etc. However, the reality is that you don't know how much money you need. You earn X and as long as you are spending / investing less than X, you are OK. (By the way, when I say "you", I am referring to all the earning members of your family; depending on the composition of the earning, some of the below may not be relevant to you.)

The day you become self-employed, the X vanishes. Now you have an income stream that could vary considerably month to month. The approach now has to be, what is the Y that I must earn every month in order to live a decent life. For that, you have to first define what "decent life" entails... what are your unavoidable expenses, E1 (e.g. society maintenance, electricity, school fees, groceries, phone bills, insurance premiums, etc.), what are your basic lifestyle expenses, E2 (e.g. eating out / movies once in a while, fuel and driver expenses, new handset once in x months, clothes & accessory shopping, replacement of consumer durables, repairs & maintenance, etc.) and finally, what are your luxury lifestyle expenses, E3 (e.g. family vacations, new gadgets, new jewelry, saving more for future, etc.). Believe me, getting to an estimate of these numbers is not easy since most people don't track their expenses at this level. Once you have an estimate of E1, E2 & E3 (all converted to a monthly equivalent), you can decide where to draw the base-line. I would believe that E1+E2 (net of what other members of your family earn) would be the minimum line and E1+E2+E3 is the earning goal.

As I said earlier, some months, particularly in the initial months may not get you E1+E2, maybe not even E1. So you have to be prepared for it, with liquid funds available to take care of the short-fall. Also, in order to ensure that E1 is not a humongous scary figure, the following assets should have been already paid for: the house you live in and the car that you drive. With the big ticket items out of the way, you should have liquid / near-liquid funds equivalent to at least 18 months of E1+E2. That will give you the freedom to experiment with your new career/life without worrying about basic necessities. The 18 month funda is simple... 12 months to experiment without any tension and 6 months to find a new job, if you eventually decide to give up.

The biggest learning of this exercise is that you will now be able to earn what you need rather than spend what you earn.

2. Make a Positive Change

Self-employment is not a solution for a job gone wrong. Don't take a negative decision to quit your job out of frustration and think that being self-employed will give you joy. Not only will your monthly pay-check vanish, but also many other things that you take for granted will go with your job. As I wrote in my earlier post, the biggest issue will be to answer the question, "What do you do?" Try explaining to your grandmother or the nosy neighbor why you don't go to office any longer. You were used to people listening to you when you spoke as the 'so&so' of this big company; now, you represent yourself and it is a very different thing. Being self-employed will also mean a whole bunch of new administrative things that you never worried about earlier. Get yourself registered for service tax and professional tax; raise invoices; collect your dues; pay service tax and advance tax quarterly; track all your business expenses and create your P&L... the list goes on! 

The only reason to still go through with it is because you care about what you are doing. The passion to do something different should drive you to make the change and will help you through the uncertainties and challenges of carrying it on. So, make a positive change.

Another thing: if you have to ever give up your new endeavor and go back to your job, it would help that you didn't hate it in the first place!

3. Test Market your Passion

It is one thing to believe that you like something and another to live your life doing it. One way to know for sure is to of course, do it. But that need not be the only way. Why not test it out, if possible? How would it feel when you actually pursue the new career idea? And more importantly, would others (say, your prospective customers) accept you in that role? In my case, I got several opportunities to test out my interest in teaching, both within my corporate environment as well as outside, in the academic world. 

Since it was "teaching" (seen as a 'noble' activity), I was able to do it while keeping my day job but it may not be possible for you to moonlight as a consultant. An alternative test would be to write out your "pitch" - why should anyone engage you? If you want to be a strategy consultant, make your brochure or pitch presentation. Ask your friends if they would engage you (instead of say, a consulting firm) for any project? Would you, objectively, engage yourself for your current employer?! Writing out your value prop and perhaps, your business plan, will help you clarify your thoughts and build confidence about what you are about to embark on. You may, in this process, even identify your early / anchor clients and start focusing on the first income stream.

The other benefit of doing this, in case you decide to progress, is that you have already begun your preparation for your next avatar, and can get off the ground running. (Note, you have to ensure that you are not violating any rules / codes of your current employment - as mentioned above, you want to leave your job on a positive note!)


Those are my three preparatory steps towards making the transition from corporate to self employment. You would have noticed that I put the financial planning up front, even above the passion bit. In that sense, it is different from becoming an entrepreneur. Becoming self-employed, I have felt, is just another form of career progression (towards Maslow's self-actualization level); it's mostly a low-risk move and at the same time, it isn't aimed at very high returns or wealth creation. Also, to be professionally self-employed, one needs to have built some credibility and a good network that can only come with time. 

Hope this helps; I would be happy to hear from others who have taken or are contemplating similar moves. It is still early days for me and I am eager to learn more.

One Month Later

Two months ago, I wrote about a change of direction in my career / life and about a month ago, I became unemployed (self-employed sounds better, no?). Here is a brief checkin of the first month. I am writing this for two reasons: one, some of my friends / colleagues wanted to hear about and (perhaps) learn from my experiences; and two, this helps me clear any self-doubts about how I am using my time.


A quick note about my routine - there isn't any. A major reason for my career shift was to enable flexibility and spontaneity, therefore, I don't want to tie myself to any rigid routine.

1. As I wrote earlier, I am continuing to do advisory work for Tata Communications, so that kept me occupied for several days. I am developing an interesting Leadership Development program for senior leaders there, so that's a new, exciting space of work. I have just finished writing a strategy case study for this program.

2. I have re-started my efforts to improve physical fitness. A look at my Foursquare checkins indicates that I played tennis a few times and ran/swam occasionally. Blame it on the rain in August; will pick up pace now.

3. A few hours were spent with three different groups discussing their specific business issues. I can't solve business problems in 1-2 sessions but guiding them towards identifying / analysing the situation & alternatives was interesting. I should spend more time in this area in future.

4. Photography took a back-seat this month, partly due to the rains (again) and mostly due to my laziness. I don't need to travel far to get interesting photo shoot opportunities - just get out more often with the camera. 

5. I spent more time at home / with the family than ever before. Nothing like it.

6. Being self-employed comes with its own admin requirements, so those need to be sorted out. I am beginning to be more conscious of my finances than before... just increased awareness of one's spending patterns helps evaluate, prioritise and optimise expenses. Also, there is a need to simplify (reduce the clutter of activities) and automate (use the Internet / technology to perform routine or repeat activities).

That sums up my first month's report. I don't intend to share updates monthly (phew!)... Next maybe at the beginning of 2014.

The defining moment of last month happened every morning when I checked my phone out of habit: 0 Unread emails in the Inbox. What a way to start the day!

Ganesha - Over the Years at my home

Updated: Sep 12, 2021....

Since my childhood I have loved Ganesha and would enjoy helping my father and mother perform the puja at home. For several years, during my hostel life, I kept in touch from a distance. For the last 22 years, I have performed Ganesh Puja at home... frankly, it is the only "religious" activity that I carry out with any degree of consistency.

Here are pictures of Ganesha at home since 2003, the year I got my first digital "camera".

Ganapati Bappa Morya!!!


2003

2004

2005

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

2012

2013

2014

2015 (clay idols made by daughters)

2016

2017

2018

2019

2020 (lockdown Ganesha)

2021